It feels like I haven’t done much yet, but I’m exhausted; a casual remark from a colleague will keep me awake all night thinking about it; I can be in a dilemma over even the smallest things in life, and I can’t decide what to do even after struggling for a long time. This is our common mental internal friction. “Internal friction”, as the name suggests, is one’s inner psychological war. Some people say that internal friction is more lethal than involution. Involution is competition with others, and internal friction is the conflict between the two villains within oneself. Before others can take action, he consumes himself first.

Why Is There Internal Friction?

If something goes wrong at work, what the internally frustrated person is thinking is: Could it be that I didn’t think things through this time? Or was it that the plan I made at that time was not in line with my leadership style? Or is it really like what the leader said, that my professional ability is not enough?

What would people who are not internally consumed think? People who are not internally conflicted will attribute the problem to: they are not familiar with the project, the product itself does not meet the needs of users, and the service process for customers still needs to be optimized.

• 1. People who are internally conflicted point their problems at themselves, while people who are not internally conflicted attribute their problems to external factors that can be changed;
• 2. People who are internally consumed tend to change themselves to adapt to the environment, while people who are not internally consumed tend to change the environment to adapt to their needs;
• 3. People with internal friction mostly struggle with evaluation, while people without internal friction are more inclined to optimize results.

Why does this difference occur?

• The root cause is that people with internal friction have entered a negative cycle of low energy. Our internal friction is like running countless background programs. Unable to figure out ideas and messy thinking are consuming our energy.

People’s internal troubles and random thoughts are actually a way to temporarily relieve anxiety.

• Slowly, internal friction may become an “addiction”. Indulging in random thoughts, you avoid things that should be faced more. After escaping, most people enter a state of “resistance” again: “Why am I so useless? Why am I always consumed internally and wasted a lot of time.” So, they enter a state of random thoughts – power consumption – low energy consumption. In a cycle of energy – confrontation – more random thoughts – more power consumption. This is the essence of internal friction: an anxiety-relieving instant gratification that is not accepted by the self.

How Can We Reduce Internal Consumption?

Internal friction is a way of instant gratification that is not accepted by the self and relieves one’s own anxiety. Isn’t there a way to reduce internal friction? That is Acceptance + Finding a suitable way to relieve anxiety.

Accept

• People who are accustomed to internal friction tend to form an established thinking pattern. When encountering something, they first reflect on their own shortcomings and are prone to doubting themselves and blaming themselves. Over time, it is easy to form a kind of non-acceptance of oneself. This lack of acceptance may originate from work, but it may generalize to interpersonal interactions and even the evaluation of all aspects of oneself. For example, many people feel that they have become ugly and worse during this kind of internal friction. These are all generalizations of negative emotions. Especially after many people are internally conflicted, this lack of acceptance is even more serious, and they feel that they should not be internally conflicted. It’s like you have two people fighting in your heart, and a person in charge comes over and criticizes both of them indiscriminately. The conflict was not resolved, but instead made the two people feel even more aggrieved.
• To “resist” internal friction is to reject human instinct. After all, anyone can experience internal friction when they are in a bad state or under great pressure. In particular, a person who is accustomed to this mode will lose a lot of his own resources for regulating attention. If this kind of confrontation is added, it will be even more “killing one thousand enemies and losing eight hundred to oneself.” Therefore, if you want to reduce internal friction, the first step is to accept that you are prone to internal friction. If your habits are deeply ingrained, it will take a long time to accept yourself. Just like if you have a viral cold, you have to accept that it will take at least a week to get better.
• If you accept it, you can set aside time for yourself to allow for internal consumption, even a fixed time. If you can set aside time for internal consumption, you will be able to set aside time for concentrating on doing things. I have been struggling with internal friction recently because of some small things, but I know how to evaluate which internal friction is bound to happen. If it is bound to happen, then I will give myself time for internal friction. Compared with blaming yourself, accepting your own internal friction can make people get out of internal friction faster. Only when we are not upset inside can we relax. Only when there is no internal friction can we easily generate positive energy.

Find ways to relieve anxiety

• When internal consumption reaches a certain level, you will make yourself move. For example, go for a run or cook. But when many people are involved in internal strife, they often have no strength to change the current situation. For example, I can’t move my legs to run, and I have no mobility at all. That’s because, during the process of internal friction, a person’s psychological resources have been consumed too much. Excessive consumption of your own willpower resources during internal friction will leave you with no energy to do anything else. When energy is low, people often look for the psychological causes of their problems, such as their family of origin and childhood experiences. For this kind of psychological cause, without the help of a counselor, not only will it not help the recovery of the state, but it will easily become a stumbling block for a person’s “inability to change”.
• Therefore, the best way to deal with deep internal friction is not to figure it out, but to learn to pause. If you can’t take that step of action, then do this: take a good rest. Admit that you are temporarily unable to control your own internal friction, admit that your limited will resources are consumed by your accustomed way of thinking, and admit that you are now entering a swamp of thinking, and you are likely to struggle more and more into it. So at this time, the most effective way is: to take a good rest.
• If you are sensitive to your own internal friction, you can also set a warning line. When a certain level of internal friction reaches the warning line of exhaustion, you should consciously let yourself rest. Taking a conscious rest is the process of liberating your tense thinking and regaining your willpower.

Conclusion

Internal friction is normal and complies with the second law of thermodynamics. As long as everything in the world exists, it will be in a state of consumption. “Internal friction is normal. Learning how to coexist with internal friction is the way we can reconcile with ourselves.